Write on Wednesday – The Song Edition

The Killers Mr Brightside is a song about jealousy. Watching someone you love with someone else.

I’ve taken this as my inspiration and used it to help with a draft I’m in the process of editing & rewriting. So, it’s an excerpt from a novel, the characters are already well established, so there’s a lot taken for granted that the reader would already know. It’s also a lot lighter than many of other my pieces as it’s written for the commercial women’s market (aka chick-lit). It’s still pretty clunky, but it’s start on something I want to develop.

‘Bloody hell, sweetcakes, you didn’t tell me she’s no bigger than Kylie Minogue.’ Astrid peered over the top of her aviators running an expert eye over Yvette’s pixie-like figure.

‘I’ve been trying not to talk about her at all, actually.’

‘Really? I hadn’t noticed.’

I could feel Astrid rolling her eyes at me, but through my black-tinted glasses I watched Yvette holding Jake’s coffee while he padded up. I flicked a fly away, ‘So Jake’s got a new girlfriend? What do I care? I had a boyfriend until quite recently.’

‘Is four months ago still considered recently? I’m not so sure.’ She dropped her cigarette into the last mouthful of her Heineken. ‘Spinisterhood beckons, toots. You could always come over to the dark side. I’m sure I could find you a spot in the Dykes on Bikes Parade.’

I’d lost interest in Astrid’s teasing. At the edge of the cricket field Jake and Yvette were laughing together. Her hand reached up to his chest as he leant down to kiss her. It was like a bluebottle sting. A raw pain that wrapped round my soul. Her hand hovering over his heart. His lips on hers.

‘ I never saw the attraction of Kylie Minogue,’ I said, swatting the fly.

This week I thought we would go with a writing exercise suggested by Hadge.
The Write On Wednesday Rules: Get creative with the writing exercises – there isn’t a right or wrong. Please do try to visit the other members of Write On Wednesdays and leave a comment. You can grab the button for Write On Wednesdays from my sidebar.

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 16:

Hadge says:  Take a favorite (or even random play) song and write the story behind the lyrics, not something inspired by the lyric, but the flesh on the bones of the story. It gives lots of scope for interpretative writing. Use the lyrics or theme of a song  for a piece of flash fiction (50 to 200 words). To clarify, write your version of the story behind the lyrics in a song.

You can read the other pieces at inkpaperpen blogspot.

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12 thoughts on “Write on Wednesday – The Song Edition

    • Thanks for that Kristy. Yes the ‘showing’ not ‘telling’ takes a lot of practise & I certainly still need the practise. 🙂
      J x

  1. Ouch! Poor narrator girl, I feel for her. A sting is a good way of describing the feeling of seeing your ex or love interest with someone else. I love how the song you chose weaves in to your story in progress and fits the genre so well.

    • When I read your comment I realised how very little info I gave about this piece – not even my heroine’s name, which is Tess!
      Thank-you for commenting.
      J x

  2. I’m glad you left the comment on Gills blog because it made me check back to see if I’d read your post. I HADN’T!

    My trouble is that every week I jump in and out of the WoW posts and sometimes lose track of the ones I’ve read (while meaning to read them all).

    Feedback is pretty important to us all, I know how much I value it and it is all part of what Wow is about.

    So, apologies for the VERY late comment. I thought you captured this really well. The bluebottle sting is a great anaology and the feigned indifference while the pain wrapped around her soul, a perfect description!

    • It is hard to get around all the posts every week, some weeks are just too busy to read them all because it is time consuming. But I do appreciate you dropping by & commenting. And don’t worry about being late – I was very late getting it up!

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